Remote, Chivalrousless Entry

Modern technology has improved life myriad ways. I need not waste space proving that point. I am writing to argue how a product of technology, remote keyless-entry to cars, has made life worse for men in one particular area, that of common chivalry.

This single item of technology is related to, and is destroying, one of the most basic and frequent displays of chivalry, the Boy-opening-door-for-Girl routine. Door-opening has long been a pastime of aspiring Romeos and Prince Charmings everywhere. It is a pastime that Boys cannot afford to lose.

There is obviously nothing significant in the act itself--any red-blooded feminist would tell you that Girl is perfectly capable of opening Door for Girl's self. There is even potential for Boy to use such a seemingly sweet act to satiate Boy's desire to assess Girl's assets as Girl walks in front of Boy, *ahem, ahem.* Regardless, Door Opening needs to be saved from the techies.

Oblige me the passport to your imagination and join me in acting fly-on-the-wall during Boy and Girl's first date. Boy picks up Girl at Girl's house (showing up on time, of course, but being forced to wait while Girl concludes Girl's final hour of pre-date preparation). Boy presents Girl with flowers and compliments Girl's outfit. Boy and Girl head out to Boy's car.

In the old days, Boy would walk Girl down the sidewalk to Boy's car, where Boy would gracefully let Girl's arm fall to Girl's side while Boy found Boy's key. Boy would use this key to unlock Girl's door and suavely open this door for Girl to climb in. Once in, Girl would lean over to unlock Boy's door so Boy could get in. Before long, Boy and Girl would be on Boy and Girl's way to do Boy and Girl stuff. Boy and Girl live happily ever after.

The Door-Opening ritual, if enacted correctly by both parties, is a simple exchange with no words necessary--maybe a "Thank you, darling" and a "Sure thing, Sugar Pie" in reply. The dialogue is not what communicates in this instance, but the actions.

Action One: Boy unlocks Girl's door before Boy unlocks Girl's door. This shows Boy's deference to Girl, and shows Girl that Boy thinks more highly of Girl than Boy thinks of Boy.

Action Two: Boy opens Girl's door. This is done as a courtesy to Girl, since all Boys know that Girls can open Girls' own doors and wear snappy pant suits and get Girls' own jobs and take Girls' own asses out whenever Girls want. Most Girls worth knowing know when to just say "Thank you, darling." This in itself is another communication. In opening Girl's door, Boy is showing Girl that Boy cares for Girl. Just as importantly, by allowing Boy to open Girl's door (or pay for Girl's meal or carry Girl's books), Girl is letting Boy know that Girl appreciates Boy and Boy's care.

Action Three: Girl leans over and unlocks Boy's door. This is perhaps the most important communication. This action shows Boy that Girl is willing to do Girl's part to make this a two-way exchange. By leaning all the way over to the other side of the car to unlock Boy's door, Girl is actively showing Boy Girl's gratitude and is communicating to Boy that Girl is willing to invest the effort necessary to build a relationship.

Door Opening is a simple exchange, hardly putting either Boy or Girl out, and Door Opening provides both Boy and Girl with a brief but telling look into a potential future with Girl or Boy. In a sensible world, sensible people would be content to let this sensible facet of the Old Days live on untouched by remote controls and automatic knicknacks. Yet here we find ourselves in the twenty-first century unable to escape all that is automatic and faster and convenient for convenience's sake.

Remote keyless entry is convenience at the push of a button, saving Boy and Girl the bother of using a key to unlock car doors one at time. Technology has made it so that the exact second that Boy is within spitting distance of Boy's car Boy can keylessly and effortlessly--but nay, suavelessly and silently--unlock every door of Boy's car in an instant and without a hint of communication to Girl.

What sad times are these when the trinity of Quickness, Convenience, and Efficiency take precedence over Care, Chivalry and Courtesy. I, for one, will have nothing to do with it.