Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Friends don't let friends post lame away messages

to me, a lame buddy profile is like a slap in the face. a buddy profile is an expression of oneself, and for a buddy to post a lame profile is an insult to both the buddy and the reader.

as i see it, the lamest of our buddies' profiles will probably include one or more of the following (with exceptions, of course):

- a countdown to something only our buddy cares about. this countdown can be for anything under the sun, but is most likely a countdown to something personal. for any given profile reading, there is only a one-in-hardly chance of said countdown being updated to the correct number.

- our buddy's cell phone number. how considerate! our buddy who posts her cell phone number in her profile is doing us all a favour by making it possible for us to call her any and every day, to keep in touch at all times, or perhaps just to chat. she leaves her cell phone number in her profile at all times so we don't have to bother writing it down and keeping it in an accessible place for when we need it--she realizes we don't want her cell phone number that badly. we only want to have it available in her profile for just in case. whatever the reason for needing our buddy to post her cell phone number, we call all agree on what we need to do more and more often--"just cell it, baby!"

- a message from our buddy to our buddy's significant other. this will only ever be an an inside joke or a shared memory that we do not share with the happy couple.

- a quote that our buddy thinks is completely inspirational and/or absolutely encompasses his or her purpose here on earth. maybe something about true friends or something from dave matthews--he's real deep.

- song lyrics! what a great idea! yes, all hail our buddy who posts THE quintessential excerpt of song lyrics that perfectly express the feelings for that someone which he or she can't just express to that someone's face. usually ambiguous and generic, these lyrics are rarely effective for others to read as text.

- angry/depressed angst lyrics! courtesy of our buddies who are unfortunate enough to have been selected to the short list of people whom Fate has decided to torture without reprieve and without just cause. these people have no luck in love, no luck in friendship and no luck in life. let's all join together and send them a consoling message or three to let them know how obvious it is to us, too, that their straw is so much shorter than everyone else's.

- the classic end-of-the-semester rant profile/away message our college buddies post to let us know how unfair their particular professors are, and particularly to them. these buddies obviously have "a million" things to do and umpteen "freaking" papers to write, each at least "about a million pages" each. i'm just glad my professors give me at least a week's notice for most of my assignments, so i don't end up like these frazzled and frantic buddies who obviously couldn't have worked ahead and avoided the screw over.

please profile responsibly.