Wednesday, October 20, 2004

They Call it Riding the Gravy Train

It was surreal; it was unexpected; it was a bit of a downer. I was "driving" to work on I-80 East during "rush" hour earlier this week, when the sight of a car ahead of me snapped me out of my morning slog. Two cars ahead of me, two lanes over, was a gold, '70-something Ford Mustang putzing along in the stop-n-go. It looked an awful lot like the gold, '70-something Ford Mustang that my high school buddy, Mark Bahnuk, used to drive, so because I had nothing better to do than blur-stare at the taillights of the car in front of me, I changed lanes and hoped to catch up.

It wasn't long before we were next to each other, the Mustang and I, and to my delight I saw that it really was Mark Bahnuk's Mustang and Mark Bahnuk was driving it! I tapped my horn a few quick times to get his attention; recognition on his part came quickly, followed by smiles of surprise and little waves across the dashed white lines of the interstate.

We soon lost each other in the mess that is commuter traffic in north jersey, which left me alone with my thoughts and the faint grin lingering on my face. The smile was washed to a pensive forehead wrinkle once it settled in my mind what had just happened.

I had just passed Mark Bahnuk on I-80, both of us driving as working adults in commuter traffic. Working adults! I was in a sweatshirt, fleece, and jeans, but Bahnuk was in a shirt and tie! Shirt and tie! This is the kid whom I've never seen wear pants! Never ever! Shirt and tie! Mark Bahnuk, C.P.A. Great, just great.

It was easy to be in denial about the fact that I am so far removed from childhood (read: so far in "real world" debt that I won't be able to buy my way back into childhood until I have lost all my teeth) that I might as well start letting kids call me Mr. Pearce. It was easy to pretend I was still a kid when everyone else around me was pretending or at least resisting the pressure of time. But then my childhood buddy (Ben Eskow) became the father of a baby girl this past Sunday morning and I now know that my high school buddy sits in rush hour traffic every morning with me wearing a shirt and tie.

Shirt and tie!

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Pee-foam Green

Great to Be a Guy Reason #174: When guys pee into a toilet with those tablets that make the water blue for 1,000 flushes they are granted the profound pleasure of watching the blue water turn green as they pee. This is because they have penes and pee standing up and can watch the whole thing. Girls only get to see the finished product because they have vaginas and pee sitting down, sometimes with their legs crossed if they are wearing a dress.